and then again..

posting this on behalf of myself.

The old blog was abandoned. I was just running out of ideas, became lazy and crippled to write. I have no story. But, i wanted to tell one. To just justify that i am a human, with stories of my life to share, although i do not think mine are exciting and worth writing. I am a decent boring human being, and that is not my attempt to attract symphaty.

but today, i am posting again. I hope that this would not be a one-day post. I hope i would not post this because a lot of people do. I hope i did this because i need to. I need to tell someone/something, my piece of story, my view of things . And i want to be able to narrate in such a way that i would be glad to read it again. So, this blog will be a friend's ear for me.

This blog is not for others, and i wouldn't recommend anyone (except for my dear hubby) to hit the address. It is for me, solely. I want to write, but i don't want to be published, because i want to write my own version of story, and i don't feel ready to share it yet. If by accident anyone found this blog, well let it be.

as for today, i would like to write on how i felt about live without my babies. It's been 10 days since i last touch them. I left them at MIL's house back in Kelantan, merely because i felt guilty for not fulfilling her frequent request to take care of the babies. And 10 days without them, has taught me of her feeling during days when she has to ride her bus home, after a few weeks of visit to our home in Penang. She must has been very sad, and miserable for at least a month, to leave the babies. Before she can swallow the fact that she can not always be with the babies.

And cruel i am, to do that to both MIL and my mom. How can i be so selfish, to ignore them when i have time to pay them a decent visit. Well, they may not want to see me, but they surely miss my babies. I have learned how missing someone very dear hurts so much. Very painful, when i felt that crying alone, did not help much. Trying to distract my 'missing-the-babies' mood, hubby tried to occupy my time with shopping, movies, beach walking, late night loitering at the mamak stall and all, but that only made me feel guilty, for not including the babies during our fun time. Pity me, and pity hubby.

Good thing is, i learned how other people felt.. Bad thing is, i still miss my babies. 2 more days, and insyaAllah we'll meet my dear. Be good.