This entry is for Cikgu Umar

*sorry takde gambar ayah

I love my father, and of course who doesn't. I love him for being a caring and loving father. Apart from that, I love him for being understanding, very understanding. I have never met a man with such a treat, frankly.

He could understand why I did not do well during my 2nd & 3rd year in college, i was in stupid love. Well, he did not mention it, but i know he did understand that it's not worth it to stop me from falling in love (even if it is with someone stupid), and the best thing is to let me experienced the whole shit of falling in love with a wrong guy. He did not stop me even once. But, when i'm lost after the break up, he personally drive from home to Cyberjaya, pick me up and tell me; there's always someone else, and that's how miserable it is to have a relationship with a crazy stupid guy.

My father, he didn't had chance to feel a mother's love, as much as I do. His mother died when he's still in primary school, after years of illness, plus he had to move to stay with his cousin so he could go to school. His father, had to work hard as a timber general worker and rubber tapper; he didn't had enough time to spend with my father. Even that, my father loved his parents so much, so much that he would say his prayer for them with drops of tears. So much that he has always cares about his siblings and her parent's friends and relatives, so he could remember his parents. To him, his parent's friends and relatives are his connection to them.

I could tell stories of him, as I adore him so much, until recently. My father sent me, my mom and my siblings one SMS, which tell us how sad he is when he knew that he has diabetic and high blood pressure. He'll be a robot who consume medicine the rest of his life. I am sad, but not because he now has a disease, because he felt helpless and useless. This is the man who has helped me throughout my life, and now he feel helpless. I wanted to tell him that this is not the end, and not how it supposed to be end. I wanted to tell him, he's ok, even with whatever disease.

Instead, I called him and ask if he's ok. I told him that my staff has had the same illness, but he did survive, so don't worry. See, i'm not good in telephone conversation. Words are stuck in my throat.

So here goes ayah :

I love you no matter what. In fact, I am confidently telling u that all my brothers and sister love you so much, regardless of anything. Please do not feel useless, you are not useless. You are our father, how useless would that be? As you've been telling us, there are always ways to handle a problem, so ayah, there are always 1000 ways to walk this path. Walk with us, and let us hold your hand through this.

Ayah, you're one lucky man to have the disease when you're almost 60, so you could be reminded to take care of your own health. With you age, please stop taking care of us, it's our time to take care of you. Spend your time with whatever you love to do, as we've taken most of your time before; even your sleeping time. Talk to us, give us chance to listen to you, as you've been listening to us for years.

I may have not much to say, and may not comfort you, but I hope you could read this. I hope you could understand how much we love you, and how much we want u to not feel useless. Remember when you told me : Look up to those who are more successful than u, and chase them. But never forget to look down to those who are in need, and pull them up. I use to chase u, now that i've reached u, could u please hold my hand and walk beside me?