ku seru namamu, kekasihku.

seram. Itu yang saya dapat gambarkan sewaktu menonton drama berepisod : Kekasihku Seru.
Well, i'm not going to elaborate on the series, it's just that, this drama catched my attention big time!

maybe i'm too much into mira mustapha and khabir bhatia but most of us agreed that they produce good movies/drama.

or maybe because i've real life story about Saka.. maybe?

a message so true

i have never agree with chained message sent by anyone (of course the religion unrelated ones). But this, has touched me. And i realize, only straight to the point words can wake me up..

Image from : http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/efi/lowres/efin678l.jpg

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

ramadhan al mubarak

yes indeed. (For reference; mubarak means : blessed) Ramadhan indeed is a blessed month. With showers of pahala, and devils being prisoned.

me, i missed my subuh this morning. I woke up for sahur, while waiting for the subuh's adzan, laid down on the couch, and pufff - i felt asleep until 8am. Not even manage to get in time for the office.

so i'm depressed today.

e = mc2

never mind the title, couldn't bother much to find ways to put it into superscript.

i am a mean mother, and i've described it before. I am still a bad mother. Nothing really change, despite the holy ramadhan. I believe most of it is in me, not the devil (they're not around in ramadhan, remember?).

not to further discuss how mean i am, i now need to focus on ways to change and be a sweet good mother. Let's begin with why i am mean ?

1. i am angry - 60%
2. i am lazy, taking care of babies needs detail attention and hardwork. - 20%
3. patience - nope, i always lose my temper - 20%

so, mathematically; i am an angry person. Why ?

1. i dunno - the fact that i'm less perfect than everybody maybe? - 70%
2. it's hereditary - is it? - 5%
3. i'm a human - logic? - 5%
4. i like to win, to be the best, so not being one makes me arggghhh - 20%
   

so, i guess, i'm just angry with myself. 70% of me is angry because i am not everyone else. Deep down i know everybody's not perfect, but 'rumput dirumah sebelah selalunya lagi hijau'. It's natural. Brain and heart did not talk the same language.

Its good to channel those angry energy into some other good energy. How to?

• Quran - its the best solution. I'll try reading Quran daily.
• Accepting that whatever i have now is more than perfect - that'll be difficult. But i need to grow up.
• Believe that we're human, and we're designed to be imperfect, so that we have rooms for improvement.
• Believe that there's Allah - He knows what he's doing. And whatever it is, its the most suitable one for u.

May Allah be with me.

what i want

the list of things i want has never been complete, and the things i want are not even fancy, weird or special. Nevertheless, there's a very high chance of me not getting any from the list.
I will either bought one with different brand, go for different type with the same purpose, or even forget about it.

I am scared to spend anything for myself, and am easily turn-off during shopping for many reasons. I can be turn-off for price, hubby's need to buy cloth, shoes, etc, my kids' need to buy clothes, shoes, bags, etc, and even when hubby's making long face during my shopping.

Check my wardrobe, i only have

1 new baju kurung, which i bought at RM60 last May for my sis's wedding.
1 new bluse (RM 39) bought last June, for myself.
2 new pairs of trousers - bought it because i need it for sports carnival
the rest are old things, old means, i bought it in January or before that.

I only change my curtain once, within our 5 year of marriage and having our own home. We never bought ourself a good set of china for special guest, no good bedspread for special occasion, no fancy furniture like everyone. I just don't do all that.

I always have this in mind : spend less, u'll need it for the kids education. But i am in denial, actually i cried my heart out that i need to spend for myself, but that words just don't come out from my mouth. I am lame boring person with old bad habit from my ancestors (org melayu lah..).

Well, for a start, i list down things i want :

• one pair of good jeans (i never buy a jeans that cost me more than RM60, never, so i want one, levis maybe..)
• one good blouse/shirt, for work.
• one pair good shoes (shoes, not sandals).

that's about it. Maybe i should start saving money for these.

I talk crap, sigh.

analogi

permata yg malap,
tak nampak warnanya,
tak indah sinarnya.
disorot lampu suluh baru bercahaya,

permata tetap permata,
batu yang sama,
warna yg sama,
kalau delima tetap delima,
kalau berlian tetap berlian,
malap atau tidak,permata tetap permata.

cuma yang malap harganya kurang,
yang berkilau nilainya tinggi,
menjadi pilihan datin seri.

bukan mudah menggilap permata,
kerjanya seni, halus dan teliti.

bukan mudah membentuk hati..

My way, not milky way

There are days, when the moon did not put on her dark blanket.
And we could see her naked,
Full moon they called her.

We gaze in awe and praise her beauty,
as she's the brightest one in the night sky.
And stars glitters around her as her accessories.

And there are days when she pull her dark blanket,
covering her whole self,
And we sleep with the dark sky,
feeling gloom, without knowing why.

Oh, there are days when I feel flying,
and i strip all my feelings,
being the brightest object of all,
with glittering accessories,

how i wish everyday is that day.

but the gloomy day will come,
unalarmed, and without warning,
worst, it will haunt me the whole day..

what shall i do then?
my way : wait for the sun to shine,
everything will be fine then.