Kepada kawan-kawan yang dah kawen - korang mesra tak dengan mak mentua (MIL) ?
Mesra yang, ikhlas?
I was asking this for, aku rasa we have limits. Aku teringin jugak nak treat my MIL as how I treat my mom, but tak boleh la.. macam mana eh?
Of course she's a different person, mestilah ditreat differently. Baru dia rasa happy. Takkan tiba-tiba nak ajak dia joget-joget dalam rumah macam mak aku, sure pengsan orang tua tu.
I don't think she hate me, and aku perasan macam dia suka jugak kat aku, tapi aku pulak tak berusaha mati-matian pun nak please dia. Sombongkan?
I still has this selfishness in me. That mother is always mak, and no one can replace or share place with her. Yer, I know that our husband's mom is our mom, love her as one. But I can't find ways for her to be on the mother's chair. She'll always be in the MIL chair.
A chair which is supposed to be tak exist pun, aku yang create so I can justify myself.
Mesti korang rasa, takpelah, at least aku treat her as MIL.
Takkkkkkk.. aku ni jahat rupanya. When I put her in MIL chair, she's not my mom. Nak tau what I did to her? Silalah :
- Aku cakap ikut dan aku, without thinking if she's hurt by my words. Part of it because, I do not know (tak berusaha nak tau pun) what kind of words/intonation she like. Macam mak, don't ever sweet talk her, say it right to her face, pastu say it with confident, ko cakap meleleh, lagi dia menyampah. MIL?
- Aku buat things pun ikut style aku je.. tak pernah nak ikut style MIL, which at times, better. Contohnya, kalau ada kenduri-kendara kecik2, aku super malas nak transfer lauk2 dalam different bekas, letak jelah satu bekas besar, pandai2 la buffet.
But she's very proper, bekas mesti ada banyak2 so orang tak payah beratur walaupun buffet, and women can ambil food tanpa segan silu. Aku degil jugak, dengan alasan malas nak basuh bekas kang. Kalau mak, I'll tell her "mak nak ke basuh bekas byk2 kang? hehe".
- What ever MIL commented, I think of it as an insult takpun, as penyibukan, eventhough she meant good. Once she commented that I should have handwashed Shahrun's slacks & jeans, don't machine-washed it, as it will ruin the fabric. Bagus kan comment dia.
But I take it as MIL wanted to point out how lazy I am, and why bother how I wash things?
Tulah, cuba kalau mak yang cakap, sure aku dah agree and buat je.
Pastu ada lagi satu, she bought me a tea set, saying that we have no good set, so ada ni senang la orang nak datang. Isk, marahnya aku. Dalam hati aku kan, macamlah tea set aku tak elok sangat. Padahal I'm supposed to be happy, orang bagi hadiah. Yang nak sensitip tak ketahuan hala tu apsal?
But, itulah hakikatnya. My MIL, she's a soft women. A housewife with super squeaky clean house and super rajin with all her daily dishes, normally cooked traditionally. She has never raised her voice, and never put on pants, all kain all the time. Hebat kan? She will be worried about small-small details, like the un-rhyme names of our kids, whether my children has had breakfast before the went for school (bangun pun tidak), whether I still have stocks of keropok and budu, and such.
Unlike me, yang tak payahlah diceritakan.
She, has put efforts to make me like her. Dia selalu sebut, "bukan apa, nak tanya ni, sebab anak-anak.. ul ni anak jugok.." which I'm supposed to be flattered. And she has always prepare food i like, when I'm in Kelantan. Baju-baju jangan cakaplah, pantang je ada kain, she'll send it to the tailor, washed it, and iron it before giving it to me - "dalam almari tu ada baju baru, ambillah".
Haishh.. But until todate, I still can;t put her where I put my mak. Kejikan? And tak bersyukur pun ada. Ramai je MIL (especially Kelantanese la yang aku selalu dengar), who doesn't like their DIL yang outsiders (non-kelantanese).
Dapat macam dia ni baru tau
Back to my main point - macam mana sebenarnya nak sayang kedua-dua mak, seikhlas hati? Aku ni dah dosa banyak, dok tambah lagi ni.. tolong ye..
*images are from Google
