nasib baik mereka budak

ini adalah dialog anak-anak yang kadang-kadang menyebabkan kemarahan tak sampai ke mulut, tersangkut kat paru-paru :

Ilhan

1. K.A = ka, K.I = ki, bunyinya... kucing!
2. "Adik Masyitah, tau tak, kapal terbang yg kecik ni.. (sambil tunjuk Firefly), bila dia makan banyak-banyak, nanti dia jadi gemuk macam tu (dan tunjuk kat kapal Cathay Pacific)"

Masyitah

1. Bila tengok buku ABC, sampai huruf D = Datuk. "owh, Atuk.. " kemudian, dengan sangat perlahan (berbisik) dan mendekatkan muka ke buku ala-ala bercakap dgn gambar; "atuk, belikan kak ngah beg sekolah.."
2. Pagi-pagi selepas meneguk sekaligus secawan susu, mandi. Kemudian semasa proses berbedak & pakai baju, "Bibik, Kak Ngah nak susu", Bibik pun jawab "Kan tadi dah minum, baru saja", Kak Ngah dengan muka selamba membalas "Tadi tu, hantu yang makan susu kak ngah, bukan kak ngan makan.." (perasan tak perkataan makan, bukan minum ye..)

Ammar (dia ni belum lagi pandai cakap)

1. Goyang-goyang badan bila dengan lagu Upin & Ipin. Kemudian menangis, mengamuk. Bila ditanya "Ammar nak apa?", dia tunjuk bilik ibu & ayah, sambil bercakap bahasa ibunda dia "Pi Pi Pa Pa".. nasib baik ibu faham, "ok, jom tengok upin & ipin)

Nasib baik la budak-budak..

This entry is for Cikgu Umar

*sorry takde gambar ayah

I love my father, and of course who doesn't. I love him for being a caring and loving father. Apart from that, I love him for being understanding, very understanding. I have never met a man with such a treat, frankly.

He could understand why I did not do well during my 2nd & 3rd year in college, i was in stupid love. Well, he did not mention it, but i know he did understand that it's not worth it to stop me from falling in love (even if it is with someone stupid), and the best thing is to let me experienced the whole shit of falling in love with a wrong guy. He did not stop me even once. But, when i'm lost after the break up, he personally drive from home to Cyberjaya, pick me up and tell me; there's always someone else, and that's how miserable it is to have a relationship with a crazy stupid guy.

My father, he didn't had chance to feel a mother's love, as much as I do. His mother died when he's still in primary school, after years of illness, plus he had to move to stay with his cousin so he could go to school. His father, had to work hard as a timber general worker and rubber tapper; he didn't had enough time to spend with my father. Even that, my father loved his parents so much, so much that he would say his prayer for them with drops of tears. So much that he has always cares about his siblings and her parent's friends and relatives, so he could remember his parents. To him, his parent's friends and relatives are his connection to them.

I could tell stories of him, as I adore him so much, until recently. My father sent me, my mom and my siblings one SMS, which tell us how sad he is when he knew that he has diabetic and high blood pressure. He'll be a robot who consume medicine the rest of his life. I am sad, but not because he now has a disease, because he felt helpless and useless. This is the man who has helped me throughout my life, and now he feel helpless. I wanted to tell him that this is not the end, and not how it supposed to be end. I wanted to tell him, he's ok, even with whatever disease.

Instead, I called him and ask if he's ok. I told him that my staff has had the same illness, but he did survive, so don't worry. See, i'm not good in telephone conversation. Words are stuck in my throat.

So here goes ayah :

I love you no matter what. In fact, I am confidently telling u that all my brothers and sister love you so much, regardless of anything. Please do not feel useless, you are not useless. You are our father, how useless would that be? As you've been telling us, there are always ways to handle a problem, so ayah, there are always 1000 ways to walk this path. Walk with us, and let us hold your hand through this.

Ayah, you're one lucky man to have the disease when you're almost 60, so you could be reminded to take care of your own health. With you age, please stop taking care of us, it's our time to take care of you. Spend your time with whatever you love to do, as we've taken most of your time before; even your sleeping time. Talk to us, give us chance to listen to you, as you've been listening to us for years.

I may have not much to say, and may not comfort you, but I hope you could read this. I hope you could understand how much we love you, and how much we want u to not feel useless. Remember when you told me : Look up to those who are more successful than u, and chase them. But never forget to look down to those who are in need, and pull them up. I use to chase u, now that i've reached u, could u please hold my hand and walk beside me?

kinabalu training : kaki lenguh lagi !

This time, lagi jauh. Aprroximately 12Km from base at Taman Rimba, Teluk Bahang to Bukit Bendera.

1. It took us nearly 7 hours (sepatutnya minus 1 hr, sebab rest lama kat Eagle View). Being the last in the group (ada 9 org semua, campur awek2 polis, cun weh!), while the rest completes track after around 6 and a half hours. Aku mmg dah berat.

(**gambar blur, sorry.. maybe sebab tangan ketaq keletihan)

2. The view; fantastic, and breath-taking. From the green leaves to the tall trees to the sound of insects; everything has made me enjoy the trip; minus the sound of my breathing like a bull.

3. We had a 1 hr rest at Eagle view, kitorang makan roti canai kat atas tu.. heheh, the reason : tambah energy. The verdict : baik makan nasi, lagi byk energy. Seriously, as advised by the experienced climbers, halfway, eat a lot of carbo.

4. Do not trust anyone who says that Eagle View is the middle point of the whole track. Actually ada lagi 7Km. Lagi jauh dari the first climb. Maybe org bgtau aku, sebab nak motivate.

5. Aku jumpa scorpion! 1st time jumpa scorpion yg takde dalam zoo atau pun dalam cermin display. Black metallic, and siap ambil video dia.

So, hopefully aku tak pengsan climb Kinabalu nanti.

When we decide

which one would we rather be in :

1. the best, in a group of the worst , or
2. the worst, in a group of the best ?

I'd rather be in the later choice. Simply because i feel good to be surrounded by positive minded people. I like to be stupid, or at least know that i'm stupid, so i could seek for ways to be less stupid (yeah it sounds stupid!). I used to be surrounded by a group of the best. That's when i started working, in Penang. Being the only non-engineering graduates, lost in the world of engineers, i felt stupid. And lucky i have friends who are of course real engineers and real friends! And they're good.

Oh, the good ol days..

Of course good people are always taken away. So, the replacement came, and from being the worst in the group, i am now the best, the reference point. I felt so wanted, so good, so resourceful and so comfy. Until today that realized, I'm now in group 1. I am letting myself to feel as if i'm the best. As if the whole company will shutdown when i'm no longer around.

I like this whole being-the-best thingy. But, that is not just what i want. I want to be stupid, and surrounded by smart people. I want to be stupid, and learn to be smart. I want someone to kick my ass and tell me I need to work harder, or smarter (ok, not literally).

Which is why i'm writing an email, along with this post. An email to accept an offer, and click at Send. Done.

So i need to go home, and prepare to be stupid, perhaps for good reasons.

far from gratefulness

i have always wanted something that i couldn't get. When i could get that something, instead of being happy, i'll think that this is not something i want.

Freak, ain't i?

which is why, i'll not have any wish list for myself ever, from now.
or maybe tomorrow.

** does that counts as a wish?

when we decide

normally, i don't discuss politics, simply because i could not decide my stand, yet. And i have no one to talk to about politic, as my husband is a pro-PR, including his family, while my family, pro-BN through and through.

But the internet and TV in Malaysia just has less news to share, other than politic. So, i can't avoid listening or reading one of them. I'd call Malaysian politic as a circus show, not that i know how politic is in other country, but it does looks like a circus here. Stories are getting personal, as if we held a competition, which side can entertain and make the people laugh.

I am naive when it comes to politics, i hardly believe in any conspiracy, i believe what the tv news told me, and i trust leaders who i could see his sincerety (i don't read mind, i'm just being naive). I rarely read the internet's version of malaysian politic, occasionally, i'll visit Che Det (because he has broad ideas), or Anwar (because i love the way he write and speak, contents are not necessarily trusted, i just love his vocab).

Which side do i pick? or rather, which side should we be in? The one favored by TV news or the one favored by most bloggers? Which is trusted and which is not? Which will make Malaysia better and which will not? Do we simply be with the crowd, or do we try really hard not to be with the crowd, to choose a different 'alternative' ? Or, maybe we choose according to our race, or our religion, simple : stand behind a flag that carry your race/religion, because they'll fight for you. is it? will they? Or, could we be choosing a side because we just get bored with the other side?

a friend told me that news in tv are bias, and some of the newspapers too. I told him, so does the internet, with some papers too! I am naive, but not stupid, both side has their own influence over the media (the news, the internet, the papers), so they could bring each other down.

I'd like to see the politics to be about the people. Not just about how to subsidise them, or how to critic those giving subsidy. Nor its about how to 'help' the people or how to find conspiracy about helping the people. It's about the people. Help the people, but don't help too much, until we think we need to be helped in every ways. Help us be not a lazy community, not the other race's hater, stuff like that.

so, have i chosen a side? not yet, maybe not worth it anyway.

remember the titans eh, taucu!

remember when gulai taucu used to be very delicious? sweet, a bit sour, mostly salty, rasa payau sebenarnya, but still it was my favourite back then. Taucu, is actually a mixture of soy beans, fermented. Best served with ikan kayu or ikan kembong or ikan sepat, and the fish has to be fried first. Gets it's sweetness from a lot of shallots and cucumber, and sometimes we spinkle sugar to taste. Beside that, taucu is cooked with lots of ginger and garlic.

anyway, when i cooked taucu now, i have to put in a lot of chillies to add spicy taste. I take rice with taucu and chopped cili api with soy sauce, as if the taucu's gravy is not salty enough. But i don't do much taucu nowadays, i'd go for ikan sambal, tomyam, ikan singgang or plain chicken soup. It's either sour, spicy or sweet, not all of them in one dish.

kelantanese, they put santan with taucu, i think would add creamy taste to it. So creamy, salty, sour and sweet. That's why kelantanese are different, wink*. (but heh, santan dalam taucu??)

menyimpang jauh nya aku.. actually i wanted to write about how life is different years ago. When taucu is delicous, and when food is not over rated. But, yeah, forget it. Let's cook taucu.