a price to pay

i googled him. For no reason.
He's my soulmate, he is. We're somehow connected.
But that was almost 5 years ago.
And we are over each other.
The irony of being connected; we're in total disconnection.



To make me comfortable, I do not want to mention hubby here, particularly in this entry.
I love hubby, no matter what. So, this entry is off the record.


we were in love. or at least, i love 'him'.
so in love that i hate to be in love after he left me. (or straight up: he dumped me!)
he's not my first love, nor my first heartbreak.
But he left an unheal wound to my not so fragile heart.
no one did that, and till today no one can do this to me.


i am over him. and now i can accept the fact that we're not fated to be together.
but love is love, it hurts.
And it is not a mere softcopy document; delete it from the hard drive,
and delete it from the trashbin !

The memories of him is still here, some missing coordinate in the furthest portion of my heart.
Just the memories.

After all it was a sweet memories.

And back to the part where i googled him.
unfortunately, i found him.
and very unfortunate; with his latest picture.
luckily, he is smiling with a son in his hand and wife by his side.
and oh yes, i am a stalker.


honestly, i felt lucky; that i found his family's pic.
Allah has shown me that He hold the ultimate power.
(Who could imagine what i can do with a photo and a complete email & phone num ??)
they look happy, at least i must admit the son's happy eyes.

In a very weird way, Allah tells me that we're on our own path now,
and He has design our path that suits us most, that will lead us to love Him,
the ultimate love that we should abide.

Allah knows my limit, He designed weigh that i can bear, height that i can jump to,
Alhamdulillah.

It hurts, yes. But, that's the price i shall pay for being a human. For being in love, and dumped.
For gaining experiences..an invaluable one.

So, let's go back home, kiss my kids and pour them the love i should have pour.
Hug my hubby tightly, so he'll know, no matter what,
I love my husband.