what i want

the list of things i want has never been complete, and the things i want are not even fancy, weird or special. Nevertheless, there's a very high chance of me not getting any from the list.
I will either bought one with different brand, go for different type with the same purpose, or even forget about it.

I am scared to spend anything for myself, and am easily turn-off during shopping for many reasons. I can be turn-off for price, hubby's need to buy cloth, shoes, etc, my kids' need to buy clothes, shoes, bags, etc, and even when hubby's making long face during my shopping.

Check my wardrobe, i only have

1 new baju kurung, which i bought at RM60 last May for my sis's wedding.
1 new bluse (RM 39) bought last June, for myself.
2 new pairs of trousers - bought it because i need it for sports carnival
the rest are old things, old means, i bought it in January or before that.

I only change my curtain once, within our 5 year of marriage and having our own home. We never bought ourself a good set of china for special guest, no good bedspread for special occasion, no fancy furniture like everyone. I just don't do all that.

I always have this in mind : spend less, u'll need it for the kids education. But i am in denial, actually i cried my heart out that i need to spend for myself, but that words just don't come out from my mouth. I am lame boring person with old bad habit from my ancestors (org melayu lah..).

Well, for a start, i list down things i want :

• one pair of good jeans (i never buy a jeans that cost me more than RM60, never, so i want one, levis maybe..)
• one good blouse/shirt, for work.
• one pair good shoes (shoes, not sandals).

that's about it. Maybe i should start saving money for these.

I talk crap, sigh.

analogi

permata yg malap,
tak nampak warnanya,
tak indah sinarnya.
disorot lampu suluh baru bercahaya,

permata tetap permata,
batu yang sama,
warna yg sama,
kalau delima tetap delima,
kalau berlian tetap berlian,
malap atau tidak,permata tetap permata.

cuma yang malap harganya kurang,
yang berkilau nilainya tinggi,
menjadi pilihan datin seri.

bukan mudah menggilap permata,
kerjanya seni, halus dan teliti.

bukan mudah membentuk hati..

My way, not milky way

There are days, when the moon did not put on her dark blanket.
And we could see her naked,
Full moon they called her.

We gaze in awe and praise her beauty,
as she's the brightest one in the night sky.
And stars glitters around her as her accessories.

And there are days when she pull her dark blanket,
covering her whole self,
And we sleep with the dark sky,
feeling gloom, without knowing why.

Oh, there are days when I feel flying,
and i strip all my feelings,
being the brightest object of all,
with glittering accessories,

how i wish everyday is that day.

but the gloomy day will come,
unalarmed, and without warning,
worst, it will haunt me the whole day..

what shall i do then?
my way : wait for the sun to shine,
everything will be fine then.