e = mc2

never mind the title, couldn't bother much to find ways to put it into superscript.

i am a mean mother, and i've described it before. I am still a bad mother. Nothing really change, despite the holy ramadhan. I believe most of it is in me, not the devil (they're not around in ramadhan, remember?).

not to further discuss how mean i am, i now need to focus on ways to change and be a sweet good mother. Let's begin with why i am mean ?

1. i am angry - 60%
2. i am lazy, taking care of babies needs detail attention and hardwork. - 20%
3. patience - nope, i always lose my temper - 20%

so, mathematically; i am an angry person. Why ?

1. i dunno - the fact that i'm less perfect than everybody maybe? - 70%
2. it's hereditary - is it? - 5%
3. i'm a human - logic? - 5%
4. i like to win, to be the best, so not being one makes me arggghhh - 20%
   

so, i guess, i'm just angry with myself. 70% of me is angry because i am not everyone else. Deep down i know everybody's not perfect, but 'rumput dirumah sebelah selalunya lagi hijau'. It's natural. Brain and heart did not talk the same language.

Its good to channel those angry energy into some other good energy. How to?

• Quran - its the best solution. I'll try reading Quran daily.
• Accepting that whatever i have now is more than perfect - that'll be difficult. But i need to grow up.
• Believe that we're human, and we're designed to be imperfect, so that we have rooms for improvement.
• Believe that there's Allah - He knows what he's doing. And whatever it is, its the most suitable one for u.

May Allah be with me.