welcoming 1432

And, I've thought of a long list of azam for the new year. But knowing myself, most probably aku berangan mat jenin je nanti.

Last year, I've only listed 1 wishlist and checked done! Walaupun only to Brunei & Singapore.

Maybe 1 wishlist sahaja akan berjaya kot, sebab focus lebih. So here goes :

This coming year, I'll take care of my solat. Not proud to reveal this, but at times, I do miss my solat.
Especially isya', when I think I'll do isya' after making sure the kids are asleep, at last aku tertidur sekali.




Pic from here


And walaupun dah 30 tahun hidup, jarang-jarang dapat khusyu', maybe tak pernah pun. Shameful.

So, wish me luck dan doa kan aku.

Selamat menyambut 1432 hijrah

Another year, another number, same old wish.

Kita mulakan dengan map Malaysia, (taken here, thanks!)

The farthest I've went to is Sabah, and the only other country I've been to is Thailand (ok, tu pun sempadan je).

So not cool.

When I was a kid, I've been dreaming of boarding a flight, to anywhere.
So, soon as I get good PMR result in 1995, I requested Ayah to buy me a flight tix.
It's Ipoh - KL only, but I can't stop feeling good for the whole month.

Best! Image from Travelling Housecows

During and after SPM, I've always dreamt of going away from Malaysia.
Studying abroad, Japan to be exact.

Sakura and Mt Fuji (image from here)

I remember when I prayed every day, so I could go to Japan to further study.
But God knows better, even I'm accepted to do pre-U to go to Japan, I can't.
MMU offers first, with scholarship.
Parents mana yg tak nak anak dia dapat scholar kan?

I'm super sad, tapi best jugak MMU pun. Plus its 1997 - 1998.
Soros did something, remember?
Takut jugak tengok budak-budak lain stranded kat airport, dan disuruh balik sambung kat IPTA.

So there goes Japan, and the dream.

When I start working, I am secretly hoping that I could get a chance to go anywhere.
Anywhere cool, snowy and unlike Malaysia (eksyen, i know).
Staying away, missing my family.
Mingling with others, understanding cultures.
I thought, It must be real fun.

Cantikkan?

But again, God knows better.
Not even away from Penang.

And, I learn that I need to learn how to be thankful.
Bersyukur.
Not everything I want, is everything I need.
and vice versa

At least, itulah yang I've always thought, untuk melegakan hati.

But the dream has never fade away.
I've always look for chances to go overseas, one of it, is to further study.

I am reluctant to further my study, and I told a friend that I don't think that's what I want for now.
Truth is, I'm scared that I can't even pass my exams, I do not have enough RM for that, anak-anak macammana, husband macammana, all sorts of things.
And I'm aware that I might not be getting any scholar now. As the competition is tough.
Plus, I'm so lack of confident.

Lagipun, its just not right to further study, just because I wanted to stay abroad.
kan?

Entahlah aku ni.
Like Rodek said in his blog, betwen A-Z, there's always convergence point.
A point when we decide how to live our life, and soon death.
I've yet to find that point.
But I must.
Owh, aku dah meracau.

Setakat ni aku pasrah, mungkin ada sebabnya Tuhan tak grant my wish.
Mungkin macam budak kecik mana tah yang poyo nak gi overseas.
Kan dah mak-mak sekarang, jaga je lah anak tu.

Just, tahun depan (2010), aku still wish I could go anywhere.
Singapore jalan2 seminggu pun ok lah.
wink!

(all images are from Google, malas dah nak tulis semua)