wake up, wake up!

felt like i've been in sleeping mode this whole week. Little contribution during work, postponed my tax calculation and form submission, postponed our house's spring cleaning and all i did was lazying (is there such a word?) on the couch, watching my favourite series fashion house, house md, prison break, CSI :7 and grey's anatomy. Did not even bother to get myself some sweat to play around the house with ilhan and khairin.

somebody please wake me up. I have a lot to do before my due date arrive !

people (some of my frens) are either baking, or sewing, or decorating/redecorating house, or renovating house, or travelling, or taking god-knows-what licence (i.e diving, networking etc etc) and i am stagnant here.

I hate baking or sewing, so forget about that. Decorating/renovating house, well, i like that but with my level of creativity, i'll be needing lots of money and will not be sure about the result. Travelling - again with money constraint, plus my current physical condition.. well there goes. I'll be listing a lot of excuses and reasons for not doing anything.

i guess, i'll just stop whining. Just wake up, and move my lazy bum. Move!

When we grow old..

I was wondering today, what would happen to me when i grow old?
would i live old enough to be a senile old lady? or would i be a fine old lady with hubby, children and grandchilren, and being an obedient slave of Allah.

It triggered me today, to think of that, after Maksu and Mak called me to inform that my uncle (mak and maksu's eldest brother), is terribly sick.

He's physically sick after an accident, which need some operation on his legs and he's emotionally sick. He's been shouting and scolding his family (wife and kids) for no reasons. Mak said, looks like he's out of his mind. He's so mad to the extend that he divorce his wife. (But we all know that he's out of his mind, talak tak jatuh). Mak also said that she thinks her brother is in tense, he's been keeping all his worries with him.

Well, that is his fate. At least he has got Mak, Maksu, his wife, and daughter (and all his 10 other siblings) to take care of him, or at least they care about him. What about me? What will happen to me?

I'm not a good Muslim, nor a good person. I scold my daughters. I yell at them. I postponed my work. I seldom cook for hubby. I have bad bad records of life. What will happen to me?

what will happen to me?

masyitah & ilhan : progress !

Khairin Masyitah

yesterday was 17th april 2007, and masyitah is 1 year and 2 month. And yesterday mark a remarkable progress in her life. I can understand her few vocabulary. She can't speak a complete sentence, but anyhow, she speak out understandable words. Last night especially, she blurt out :

1. bom-bom - for lay down here, i have always told her to bom-bom


2. ayanngg bear - for 'sayanngg bear', and she'll kiss her teddy bear.


3. ayahhh - for her ayah of course


4. buuu - to call me 'ibu'


5. ba-bab ! - to indicate that she'll hit me like i always do to her - 'ba-bab nanti '


6. an -an - to shout to her sister ; ilhan


7. na-nakk - she want something, most probably milk or food.


8. meh meh - she request to come with her


9. pta pta pta - just her babling, she's happy !

not much of words, but i am impressed. She has not start to speak anything that can be understood by me or hubby last 2 weeks, but last night, she move one step up.. congrats my dear !

Ilhan Yasmin

she starts showing emotions, i notice that since early this month. But yesterday, she said a very emotional sentence, after i scold her.

She climb up the bed, lay beside me and say " ibu tak sayang kakak ke?"
and i was shocked, speechless.
"ibu sayang kakak, tapi lain kali jgn buat mcm tu lagi"
and i hugged her for affirmation.

She's been crying everytime i sent her to the babysitter, mostly because she wants to be with me. But on the other hand, i've always scold her, for her misbehaving. Pity her, for having such a mother. Ilhan, pls understand, i always love you, forgive me for not being such a sweet nice mother, because i have to. Else, you'd behave naughtily, which is not good.

Well, they've move on. Being a better somebody, being able to express emotion and at least communicate to me. Allah, please give me strength, to be able to guide them, and take care of them, at least until they can think and act wisely. Please Allah, i beg to You, please do not punish them for any of my sin/mistakes. And please Allah, shower them with your bless. Ameen.