Another year, another number, same old wish.

Kita mulakan dengan map Malaysia, (taken here, thanks!)

The farthest I've went to is Sabah, and the only other country I've been to is Thailand (ok, tu pun sempadan je).

So not cool.

When I was a kid, I've been dreaming of boarding a flight, to anywhere.
So, soon as I get good PMR result in 1995, I requested Ayah to buy me a flight tix.
It's Ipoh - KL only, but I can't stop feeling good for the whole month.

Best! Image from Travelling Housecows

During and after SPM, I've always dreamt of going away from Malaysia.
Studying abroad, Japan to be exact.

Sakura and Mt Fuji (image from here)

I remember when I prayed every day, so I could go to Japan to further study.
But God knows better, even I'm accepted to do pre-U to go to Japan, I can't.
MMU offers first, with scholarship.
Parents mana yg tak nak anak dia dapat scholar kan?

I'm super sad, tapi best jugak MMU pun. Plus its 1997 - 1998.
Soros did something, remember?
Takut jugak tengok budak-budak lain stranded kat airport, dan disuruh balik sambung kat IPTA.

So there goes Japan, and the dream.

When I start working, I am secretly hoping that I could get a chance to go anywhere.
Anywhere cool, snowy and unlike Malaysia (eksyen, i know).
Staying away, missing my family.
Mingling with others, understanding cultures.
I thought, It must be real fun.

Cantikkan?

But again, God knows better.
Not even away from Penang.

And, I learn that I need to learn how to be thankful.
Bersyukur.
Not everything I want, is everything I need.
and vice versa

At least, itulah yang I've always thought, untuk melegakan hati.

But the dream has never fade away.
I've always look for chances to go overseas, one of it, is to further study.

I am reluctant to further my study, and I told a friend that I don't think that's what I want for now.
Truth is, I'm scared that I can't even pass my exams, I do not have enough RM for that, anak-anak macammana, husband macammana, all sorts of things.
And I'm aware that I might not be getting any scholar now. As the competition is tough.
Plus, I'm so lack of confident.

Lagipun, its just not right to further study, just because I wanted to stay abroad.
kan?

Entahlah aku ni.
Like Rodek said in his blog, betwen A-Z, there's always convergence point.
A point when we decide how to live our life, and soon death.
I've yet to find that point.
But I must.
Owh, aku dah meracau.

Setakat ni aku pasrah, mungkin ada sebabnya Tuhan tak grant my wish.
Mungkin macam budak kecik mana tah yang poyo nak gi overseas.
Kan dah mak-mak sekarang, jaga je lah anak tu.

Just, tahun depan (2010), aku still wish I could go anywhere.
Singapore jalan2 seminggu pun ok lah.
wink!

(all images are from Google, malas dah nak tulis semua)

Berat pun*koq

I am so lazy today, aku rasa staff aku pun tau aku malas.
Siap datang lambat to the office, purposely.

Oh, saje je nak post this, so I'll note hari hari kemalasan.

Jangan la selalu selalu..

Pic from ..ology (they did an article on goodness of big fat ass.. hahah!)

Counting days to the weekend.

Let's hope they're counting too.
Can't afford the thought that they don't miss me.

But please do enjoy the break, see you soon!

Waja For Sale!

I'm selling my Proton Waja 1.6 SE (20 years Anniversary Edition).

He's been a good car, but we just can't afford having 2 cars at the moment.
We could live happily day to day, but couldn't save much.

Savings adalah penting kan?

So, if any of u yang interested, or knows anyone interested, pls do call Shahrun at 0134333646.
Our selling price starts at RM36K.
Pls do call us to get further details of the car.

Sedih

Lost my HTC.

Sedeyh.

and Hua Mulan is such a warrior. Go watch!

Image and review from MovieXlusive

There's always another wound to discover

Nothing relevant. If you notice, I'm so into Vertical Horizon's song.

The entry yesterday, explained why I'm not allowed to solat today.

Pic from here, cool.

So much of hormonal, yet kalau orang tanya aku PMS ke tak, I surely deny it.
Heh.

Out of the island into the highway

I always feel like getting off from this island to somewhere. Which probably explains why my home is a mess. Stuffs are inside boxes, as they don't fit in any of my few cheap cabinets. Furnitures are bought temporarily, as we don't even know if we're staying here or not.

Indecisive, we are.

I've always thought that its Shahrun who can't decide what's next, when deep inside, I knew it takes two to tango.

We're in a comfy stage, not luxurious, but just enough. At times, not enough and normally holes are patched, that's constant. Only time is variable. Not comfortable for u maybe, it is for us, for the time being.

We are always talking and discussing about life changing. How we're supposed to work harder, take risks and grab opportunities. But we never did any of that, except for having children.

We're still indecisive. The answer is definately A, but B offers less risk. Let's opt for no answer.
That kind of things.

Sometimes, there are goodness in not choosing anything. For instance, we don't have to move anywhere from here, and spend money on movies, clothes and shoes as we like, for we don't have reason to save it.

Blame the hormone, I'm insanely bored and PMSing.

Though, these are indeed true.

And I missed them..

And what I ate :

Monday
1. Morning - Nasi goreng kosong with telur mata and Teh O
2. Lunch - Lemang with rendang tok
3. Dinner - Nasi with kari ikan and ayam goreng. Limau ais.
** sungguh unhealthy

Today
1. Morning - 2 piece of bread with peanut butter (unhealthy)
2. Lunch - Nasi with loads of vege and kentang pedas. Air barley
3. Tea - pisang goreng 2 and apam balik (colleague aku bawak balik, irresistable)
4. Dinner - (updated) nasi separuh dengan kailan ikan masin.

All in all, saya memang pemakan. Perlu stop makan banyak nih..
Jom naik tangga gi tingkat 3!

Happy birthday !

Yesterday, is Ilhan's birthday. She's officially 5.

I planned to write a lenghty story about her; my style. But I'm drained out of ideas. She's my eldest, and currently away from me, even talking to her last night shed my tears.

Tanaklah tears tears dihari jadi kan?

Ilhan Yasmin, recently.

Ok, Kakak, here goes :

Happy 5th Birthday.
Jangan nakal-nakal kat rumah Tokma, tau.

Ilhan selalu mention that she looked like me, ye ke?

Kantoi!

Heh, being a Perakian, this surely melelehkan air liur.

Lemang and Rendang Tok

My staff is back from long holiday, and all these are homecook from Kuala Kangsar. So, so delicious.

Tempted sangat sangat, until I realize, OMG, this is supposed to be a non-meat week!!

(Ye lah kan, padahal masa aku bedal tu tak hingat!)

So there goes.

Terpaksa start esok. Aci tak?

I feel good

After a few days of no meat except for fish.. hmmmhhh...ok, I'm lying. I did take some chicken, but much much less than what I use to take.

Result is : It feels good in the toilet. I mean, kerja-kerja didalam toilet sangat mudah sekarang. I don't need extra energy. And that, makes me happy :)

I don't google for the reason and detail explanation, sebab aku nak buat reasoning sendiri.

I believe it is due to the goodness of green, sayur-sayuran.. Betul kata Hasna, memang peeing and pooing is easier, and tidak mengecewakan. U guys know how frustated it is when activities in the toilet are super slow dan berpeluh-peluh and at times, tak jadi. Pending appointments plak.

Tak best kan? Pic from here

So I have made a resolution for me, heh. This week (until Friday it is), I am not taking any meat, except fish. And my plate must be filled with green, more than rice.

And then, we'll see what happen.

And, I'll be paying my debts (puasa-puasa tinggalan), sedikit demi sedikit starting tomorrow.
I must.

So let's hope this little effort will help improve my unhealthy life. We gotta take the first step anyway, right?

I don't want more.. I just want everything

I don't care, I wanna be proud of myself.

haha.. berbaloi2..

The Flying Colors from The Daily Painters

Thanks Husband, Mak, Ayah, siblings for ur wishes and prayer. (macam la besar sgt exam aku).

Luck

Wish me luck, because I really need it !

Skeches taken from Photohunter.. nice eh?