Wednesday, May 30, 2007

on growing up

we are like plants, we grow up.



But unlike plants, we grow up physically, emotionally and well i'd say "kematangan akal".

As for me, i do realize (especially emotionally), that i grew up, judging by my way of taking issues and problems compared to when i was 17 or even 22. We all do realize this, and somehow, we manage to develop ourself.



Some people just don't. Some are just emotionally unstable, and these types are hard to be understand. It is not their all their fault though. But these people are just hard to fit in the real world. I have one staff, who is very much emotionally unstable. See, all my staff are men, and on first thought, i presume all of them are less emotional than us woman. That would help a lot. But this guy is the only one with 'woman' problem sticking on him. I am not back stabbing him, but it is the truth.



Colleagues of him are trying hard to understand him, but none did. Words from his mouth are hurtful, and discouraging. It is not of positive values that should be in the office of 6 person. At last everyone accept him as he is, and bear all the consequences of being his colleagues.



I'd say that is one type of person who has not grow up emotionally. He is still a baby. Who needs lots of attentions and demand lots of unnecessaries. Pity him. But sorry, i have no choice, we'll be transferring him out from the unit, as he's making the office's environment unhealthy.



At least i learned something tru this. No matter how intelligent you are, you need to keep up with the 'people issues', which is by far, the most sensitive problem i've had face.



And i've learned how to deal with older people. I'm working with people of age (average) 40 and above. I am still learning, no doubt, but it has been a difficult journey.

Enuff on that. Remember, smaller people talks about other people!!

Monday, May 28, 2007

of segmenting people

during my company's new software/system briefing, we were being taught on how segmentization is done. Basically, the speaker segmentize the class by age, then by units, then by physical appearances and such.

I learned that segmentization is important for analysis. As for business, segmentize ur customer, and u'll be able to customize service/products to them according to their needs and preferences.

A few days back in a herb & traditional medication shop somewhere in BJ(went there to find a good post natal set, will blog bout that later), i saw a framed quotation by someone (i forgot who he is),

Big people talks about IDEAS
Small people talks about THINGS
Smaller people talks about OTHER PEOPLE

And well, that is a good segmentization, and quite true.

I guess i have always been a smaller people. Nothing wrong about that (except when u start to bad-mouthed people behind them), i talked about other people. How great they are or how bad they are, and use it as my guidance on making decisions or taking actions.

And that is why I am still a small person (err not physically though). I rarely talks about things. Which is a good topic. I have never thought of talking about how an engine in a car works (my boss had a session of pep talk on that, he's not as small as me, and that is why he is my boss).

In fact when we start talking about things or ideas rather than other people, we are thinking of things and ideas rather than other people.

Isn't that productive and stimulate creativity? and cool.

Still, we are never a big people. We are human, and human has emotional needs. One of it is to has emotionally attached to other people. Which lastly referred to thoughts and talks of other people. So, what the heck, i'll be a bigger person that i am before, just by adding another good element in my thoughts and talk.

Lets start with things, before it develop to ideas. Lets.

Monday, May 14, 2007

in the midst of third trimester



Pic of baby in 3rd trimester, taken from
the third trimester has always been a busy time for me. And i have always pray for pre-dated delivery rather than waiting for the expected due date.


doctor asked me to perform some exercise, as i've been complaining of back pain, and all other pain. hopefully those exercises will help me deliver quickly.


oh, i met the maid agent just now. Well, i found out that she's doing the business from home, not quite an agent, not a registered one. But, since we've made a deal, and i saw all the documents are in place and as long as she gave me a good deal with a good maid, i'm not cancelling anything just yet. The meeting lasted with her giving me 3 biodata of maid for me to choose.


Sigh.


Choosing is just not my thing. I doubt my decision making ability as my decision has always been well... wrong. I may chose right, but that would only happen after first decision has been made and damage has been done. Hmmpphh.. have i gave up ? nope. And i have no option to give up too. I must choose and decide. I need a straight and calm mind, with of course His help, Allah SWT.
and the third trimester symptom of mine come. Dizzi and sleepy. so , i got to go.
Bye. and wish me luck

Sunday, May 13, 2007

karma?

do i believe in karma?

in a way, yes. But i believe that everything (including so-called karma) is being arranged by Allah, and only Him.

Watched a sad weekend drama just now, briefly an interesting story for mother's day mode, and has successfully made me stick to the TV for almost 2 hours. But the most important point is that this drama reveals scene that i have never watch from any other drama before.

It was about a mother who's being treated badly by his own son, after he married a rich and pretty lady. Daughter-in-law hates the old lady, and has always find ways to influence her hubby to hate his mother too. It was sad and cruel how they both treat her. But later in the scene, while the poor mother cried and pray, flashback bring us another scene while the poor mother was young. She had a sick and paralyse hubby, and she treated him badly.

Bad enuff that i'd say she deserve bad treatment from her children.

That is karma, at least for me.

arrgghh.. got to go, i'll update later!

Friday, April 27, 2007

wake up, wake up!


felt like i've been in sleeping mode this whole week. Little contribution during work, postponed my tax calculation and form submission, postponed our house's spring cleaning and all i did was lazying (is there such a word?) on the couch, watching my favourite series fashion house, house md, prison break, CSI :7 and grey's anatomy. Did not even bother to get myself some sweat to play around the house with ilhan and khairin.
somebody please wake me up. I have a lot to do before my due date arrive !
people (some of my frens) are either baking, or sewing, or decorating/redecorating house, or renovating house, or travelling, or taking god-knows-what licence (i.e diving, networking etc etc) and i am stagnant here.
I hate baking or sewing, so forget about that. Decorating/renovating house, well, i like that but with my level of creativity, i'll be needing lots of money and will not be sure about the result. Travelling - again with money constraint, plus my current physical condition.. well there goes. I'll be listing a lot of excuses and reasons for not doing anything.
i guess, i'll just stop whining. Just wake up, and move my lazy bum. Move!

Friday, April 20, 2007

When we grow old..

I was wondering today, what would happen to me when i grow old?
would i live old enough to be a senile old lady? or would i be a fine old lady with hubby, children and grandchilren, and being an obedient slave of Allah.

It triggered me today, to think of that, after Maksu and Mak called me to inform that my uncle (mak and maksu's eldest brother), is terribly sick.

He's physically sick after an accident, which need some operation on his legs and he's emotionally sick. He's been shouting and scolding his family (wife and kids) for no reasons. Mak said, looks like he's out of his mind. He's so mad to the extend that he divorce his wife. (But we all know that he's out of his mind, talak tak jatuh). Mak also said that she thinks her brother is in tense, he's been keeping all his worries with him.

Well, that is his fate. At least he has got Mak, Maksu, his wife, and daughter (and all his 10 other siblings) to take care of him, or at least they care about him. What about me? What will happen to me?

I'm not a good Muslim, nor a good person. I scold my daughters. I yell at them. I postponed my work. I seldom cook for hubby. I have bad bad records of life. What will happen to me?

what will happen to me?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

masyitah & ilhan : progress !


Khairin Masyitah

yesterday was 17th april 2007, and masyitah is 1 year and 2 month. And yesterday mark a remarkable progress in her life. I can understand her few vocabulary. She can't speak a complete sentence, but anyhow, she speak out understandable words. Last night especially, she blurt out :



  1. bom-bom - for lay down here, i have always told her to bom-bom

  2. ayanngg bear - for 'sayanngg bear', and she'll kiss her teddy bear.

  3. ayahhh - for her ayah of course

  4. buuu - to call me 'ibu'

  5. ba-bab ! - to indicate that she'll hit me like i always do to her - 'ba-bab nanti '

  6. an -an - to shout to her sister ; ilhan

  7. na-nakk - she want something, most probably milk or food.

  8. meh meh - she request to come with her

  9. pta pta pta - just her babling, she's happy !

not much of words, but i am impressed. She has not start to speak anything that can be understood by me or hubby last 2 weeks, but last night, she move one step up.. congrats my dear !


Ilhan Yasmin


she starts showing emotions, i notice that since early this month. But yesterday, she said a very emotional sentence, after i scold her.


She climb up the bed, lay beside me and say " ibu tak sayang kakak ke?"
and i was shocked, speechless.
"ibu sayang kakak, tapi lain kali jgn buat mcm tu lagi"
and i hugged her for affirmation.


She's been crying everytime i sent her to the babysitter, mostly because she wants to be with me. But on the other hand, i've always scold her, for her misbehaving. Pity her, for having such a mother. Ilhan, pls understand, i always love you, forgive me for not being such a sweet nice mother, because i have to. Else, you'd behave naughtily, which is not good.


Well, they've move on. Being a better somebody, being able to express emotion and at least communicate to me. Allah, please give me strength, to be able to guide them, and take care of them, at least until they can think and act wisely. Please Allah, i beg to You, please do not punish them for any of my sin/mistakes. And please Allah, shower them with your bless. Ameen.