Another year, another number, same old wish.

Kita mulakan dengan map Malaysia, (taken here, thanks!)

The farthest I've went to is Sabah, and the only other country I've been to is Thailand (ok, tu pun sempadan je).

So not cool.

When I was a kid, I've been dreaming of boarding a flight, to anywhere.
So, soon as I get good PMR result in 1995, I requested Ayah to buy me a flight tix.
It's Ipoh - KL only, but I can't stop feeling good for the whole month.

Best! Image from Travelling Housecows

During and after SPM, I've always dreamt of going away from Malaysia.
Studying abroad, Japan to be exact.

Sakura and Mt Fuji (image from here)

I remember when I prayed every day, so I could go to Japan to further study.
But God knows better, even I'm accepted to do pre-U to go to Japan, I can't.
MMU offers first, with scholarship.
Parents mana yg tak nak anak dia dapat scholar kan?

I'm super sad, tapi best jugak MMU pun. Plus its 1997 - 1998.
Soros did something, remember?
Takut jugak tengok budak-budak lain stranded kat airport, dan disuruh balik sambung kat IPTA.

So there goes Japan, and the dream.

When I start working, I am secretly hoping that I could get a chance to go anywhere.
Anywhere cool, snowy and unlike Malaysia (eksyen, i know).
Staying away, missing my family.
Mingling with others, understanding cultures.
I thought, It must be real fun.

Cantikkan?

But again, God knows better.
Not even away from Penang.

And, I learn that I need to learn how to be thankful.
Bersyukur.
Not everything I want, is everything I need.
and vice versa

At least, itulah yang I've always thought, untuk melegakan hati.

But the dream has never fade away.
I've always look for chances to go overseas, one of it, is to further study.

I am reluctant to further my study, and I told a friend that I don't think that's what I want for now.
Truth is, I'm scared that I can't even pass my exams, I do not have enough RM for that, anak-anak macammana, husband macammana, all sorts of things.
And I'm aware that I might not be getting any scholar now. As the competition is tough.
Plus, I'm so lack of confident.

Lagipun, its just not right to further study, just because I wanted to stay abroad.
kan?

Entahlah aku ni.
Like Rodek said in his blog, betwen A-Z, there's always convergence point.
A point when we decide how to live our life, and soon death.
I've yet to find that point.
But I must.
Owh, aku dah meracau.

Setakat ni aku pasrah, mungkin ada sebabnya Tuhan tak grant my wish.
Mungkin macam budak kecik mana tah yang poyo nak gi overseas.
Kan dah mak-mak sekarang, jaga je lah anak tu.

Just, tahun depan (2010), aku still wish I could go anywhere.
Singapore jalan2 seminggu pun ok lah.
wink!

(all images are from Google, malas dah nak tulis semua)

Berat pun*koq

I am so lazy today, aku rasa staff aku pun tau aku malas.
Siap datang lambat to the office, purposely.

Oh, saje je nak post this, so I'll note hari hari kemalasan.

Jangan la selalu selalu..

Pic from ..ology (they did an article on goodness of big fat ass.. hahah!)

Counting days to the weekend.

Let's hope they're counting too.
Can't afford the thought that they don't miss me.

But please do enjoy the break, see you soon!

Waja For Sale!

I'm selling my Proton Waja 1.6 SE (20 years Anniversary Edition).

He's been a good car, but we just can't afford having 2 cars at the moment.
We could live happily day to day, but couldn't save much.

Savings adalah penting kan?

So, if any of u yang interested, or knows anyone interested, pls do call Shahrun at 0134333646.
Our selling price starts at RM36K.
Pls do call us to get further details of the car.

Sedih

Lost my HTC.

Sedeyh.

and Hua Mulan is such a warrior. Go watch!

Image and review from MovieXlusive

There's always another wound to discover

Nothing relevant. If you notice, I'm so into Vertical Horizon's song.

The entry yesterday, explained why I'm not allowed to solat today.

Pic from here, cool.

So much of hormonal, yet kalau orang tanya aku PMS ke tak, I surely deny it.
Heh.

Out of the island into the highway

I always feel like getting off from this island to somewhere. Which probably explains why my home is a mess. Stuffs are inside boxes, as they don't fit in any of my few cheap cabinets. Furnitures are bought temporarily, as we don't even know if we're staying here or not.

Indecisive, we are.

I've always thought that its Shahrun who can't decide what's next, when deep inside, I knew it takes two to tango.

We're in a comfy stage, not luxurious, but just enough. At times, not enough and normally holes are patched, that's constant. Only time is variable. Not comfortable for u maybe, it is for us, for the time being.

We are always talking and discussing about life changing. How we're supposed to work harder, take risks and grab opportunities. But we never did any of that, except for having children.

We're still indecisive. The answer is definately A, but B offers less risk. Let's opt for no answer.
That kind of things.

Sometimes, there are goodness in not choosing anything. For instance, we don't have to move anywhere from here, and spend money on movies, clothes and shoes as we like, for we don't have reason to save it.

Blame the hormone, I'm insanely bored and PMSing.

Though, these are indeed true.

And I missed them..

And what I ate :

Monday
1. Morning - Nasi goreng kosong with telur mata and Teh O
2. Lunch - Lemang with rendang tok
3. Dinner - Nasi with kari ikan and ayam goreng. Limau ais.
** sungguh unhealthy

Today
1. Morning - 2 piece of bread with peanut butter (unhealthy)
2. Lunch - Nasi with loads of vege and kentang pedas. Air barley
3. Tea - pisang goreng 2 and apam balik (colleague aku bawak balik, irresistable)
4. Dinner - (updated) nasi separuh dengan kailan ikan masin.

All in all, saya memang pemakan. Perlu stop makan banyak nih..
Jom naik tangga gi tingkat 3!

Happy birthday !

Yesterday, is Ilhan's birthday. She's officially 5.

I planned to write a lenghty story about her; my style. But I'm drained out of ideas. She's my eldest, and currently away from me, even talking to her last night shed my tears.

Tanaklah tears tears dihari jadi kan?

Ilhan Yasmin, recently.

Ok, Kakak, here goes :

Happy 5th Birthday.
Jangan nakal-nakal kat rumah Tokma, tau.

Ilhan selalu mention that she looked like me, ye ke?

Kantoi!

Heh, being a Perakian, this surely melelehkan air liur.

Lemang and Rendang Tok

My staff is back from long holiday, and all these are homecook from Kuala Kangsar. So, so delicious.

Tempted sangat sangat, until I realize, OMG, this is supposed to be a non-meat week!!

(Ye lah kan, padahal masa aku bedal tu tak hingat!)

So there goes.

Terpaksa start esok. Aci tak?

I feel good

After a few days of no meat except for fish.. hmmmhhh...ok, I'm lying. I did take some chicken, but much much less than what I use to take.

Result is : It feels good in the toilet. I mean, kerja-kerja didalam toilet sangat mudah sekarang. I don't need extra energy. And that, makes me happy :)

I don't google for the reason and detail explanation, sebab aku nak buat reasoning sendiri.

I believe it is due to the goodness of green, sayur-sayuran.. Betul kata Hasna, memang peeing and pooing is easier, and tidak mengecewakan. U guys know how frustated it is when activities in the toilet are super slow dan berpeluh-peluh and at times, tak jadi. Pending appointments plak.

Tak best kan? Pic from here

So I have made a resolution for me, heh. This week (until Friday it is), I am not taking any meat, except fish. And my plate must be filled with green, more than rice.

And then, we'll see what happen.

And, I'll be paying my debts (puasa-puasa tinggalan), sedikit demi sedikit starting tomorrow.
I must.

So let's hope this little effort will help improve my unhealthy life. We gotta take the first step anyway, right?

I don't want more.. I just want everything

I don't care, I wanna be proud of myself.

haha.. berbaloi2..

The Flying Colors from The Daily Painters

Thanks Husband, Mak, Ayah, siblings for ur wishes and prayer. (macam la besar sgt exam aku).

Luck

Wish me luck, because I really need it !

Skeches taken from Photohunter.. nice eh?

They could do fondant too!

Owh update from Ulfa Deli.

They are now selling fondant cakes. Quite interesting, sebab my bro-in-law amat pandai melukis2 dan membentuk bentuk cakes itu jadi macam2.

This time, they're opening the delivery up until Ipoh and KL.

I've no picture of their latest fondant cakes, tapi this is their display cake, masa work in progress.

Go check out their site, or call her at 0133444618 (Atiqah).

I am emotionally driven !

Pic from Jhoy Imperial and the web

It sucks to always be blamed.

It takes all hands to work, with everyone and no one person should be blamed on everything.

Bodo lah.

Loung Ung and then, KL

I'm here in KL, with Masyitah. I have an interesting write up about our journey, but I haven't finished writing that.

And Loung Ung has been fascinating my week, last week with her detailed autobiography :

First They Killed My Father

She managed to redraw her childhood nightmare into a book, and I could see the painting clearly.

And again, be thankful for our peaceful beloved hometown.

Again and again Taiping

Maybe my boss likes Taiping so much, everything is done here. Though, I like it here. It's always fall in Taiping (macam la aku penah rasa fall).

The famous lake of Taiping, from Wikipedia

Going to Taiping, has always calm me down. I've had a very angry week, I can feel that anger is getting away from my system. Sungguh efficient Taiping ni.

As always my 'troops' has to be 'cargo'ed to hometown, thanks to Atiqah for being generous, tutup kedai dia sehari jaga ninja2 aku.

And oh, sungguh happy bila dapat tau Hasna's back! Fun eh Perth..

my tummy is in bad mood

Or shall I say bad shape.

Literally.

Remember younger days when it is scary to see our mom's tummy; bulging with visible cellulite marks. That is the kind of feeling when I look at my tummy nowadays.

macam ini tau!

Thing is, that could only be very obvious if I wear tight shirts or pants; which I don't normally do. When I'm in my baju kurung, I look ok. Evidence - a promoter once request me to change the size of skirt I'm about to try on in the fitting room, she said "Yang tu besar sangat, size XXL, rasanya akak ni size L pun muat".

Blearrgghh, I smile and said "takpe, L mesti tak muatnya, size ni ok". True enough, true enough.

This my friends, has given a big problem to me. Loose clothes looks too shabby on my shoulder and in a way making me older. Now I know why people keep asking how many children do I have and if my first one has already gone for primary school.

I looked that old (when I don't even reach 30 yet!)

It is not due to the pregnancies friends, nor the bearing of my childrens.

Pregnancy has made me slimmer. First, I lost appetite. Then, when the appetite is ok, I'm taking care of my food intakes, making sure I took only nutritous food. And post-delivery, I have a very garang-singa-berapi mom, she makes sure I do the malay post-delivery rituals every day. And my father, he'll make sure I took vegetables and fruits, to balance up my post-delivery diet.

Taking care of the childrens consume most of my time at home. But that can't be the reason why I'm getting fat. It takes a lot of energy to play and fight with them, at the same time doing the house-chores. That energy, should take away at least a bit of the fat, kan?

So, the reasons could be :

• My lack of exercise - not lack, but the absence of exercise in my life. I used to exercise a lot. Went to gym, jog and all. I'm giving excuses like - no time la, nak ambil anaklah, nak jaga anaklah. nak siapkan kerja lah.. takde trademill kat rumah lah.. letih lah... Aci ke?
  
• All the food in the world tastes delicious - betul. When I eat out, and all the food taste nyum nyumm, I'll eat a lot. In kenduri-kendara, even when some says tak sedap, aku rasa sedap je dan tibai habis. When I cook, of course aku perasan and rasa sedap gila hingga jilat jari. Camne tu?
  
• My unhealthy habits - Dulu, when I'm not a wife or a mom, my mother will make sure that we'll not eat after 8, don't lay on the couch unless you've taken your meal 2 hours ago, sit properly, don't slouch, eat in proper schedule, no munching in between, that sort of thing. Tapi ni kan, rumah saya, rule saya. Padanlah muka!

There you go. All the problems points to one and only one root cause - me and my lazy bump.

And aku rasa dah banyak kali list out things I should and shouldn't do. Tapi due to my inconsistent culture, lama-lama the don'ts are forgotten.

Actually aku lama dah tulis entry ni tapi tak post sebab tak sempat perabih. Hari ni post jelah, walaupun tak abis. Hopefully boleh flat kan perut pas nih.

Da..

terasa hebat..

nyeh nyeh nyeh.. walaupun tak.

I mean, seriously how to sambung masters if yg ni pun terkebil2 sambil kena menelaah di hostel?
Kan patutnya poya-poya malam2...

But tonite, I'm going out. Bosan gila duduk hostel sorang-sorang sambil merenung binary2 dan juga numbers.

Macam mana korang boleh buat senang je eh?

Dari dapur hotel ke hadapan anda!

Ok that's my sister's bakery tagline.I've always felt proud of her, because none of us (anak2 cikgu umar), has ever ventured in business seriously except her.

It takes courages and strong will to do business, which I'm a bit lacking. Courage to face losses, barang tak laku, duit tak ada, kalau aku memang dah lama back off.

Atiqah in action. And her kitchen is clean too, notice eh?

But Atiqah, earns her 'salary' from her business. She don't do it part time, and she start it right after her graduation; of course with help from Tunas Mekar.

So, readers (hopefully lah ada..) please do visit her blog (pls do, because they also blog about baking tips and share recipes).

Or if in any case u guys are in Teluk Intan or Langkap, pls drop by her shop - Ulfa Deli.

I'm a fan of their :

• Banana Choc cake (honestly, the one she baked taste wayyyy better than Secr*et Re*cipe),
• Banana cupcake - Ammar can't stop eating this, mind u it's addicting!
• Carrot cake - super sedap! My father don't like cakes, but he can wallop this whole cake alone.
• Breads and bun - she offers a lot of varieties, bun kacang hitam - superb!
• Biscuits & cookies  - last Aidilfitri, she baked oat cookie, delicious yet healthy, must try.

Oat cookies - must try!

They do delivery too (with minor charges of course), so in case u guys balik kampung and planning to setup makan-makan, birthday party, kenduri engagement , kenduri kahwin or even kenduri tahlil, you could order cakes/cupcakes/bun/cookies from her. She could do the packaging too, but u must plan ahead with her.

Ulfa Deli also sells cake ingredients. They've selected it from Halal manufacturer and Atiqah is always helpful if you request for any recipe.

Oh lupa, she can be contacted at 013-3444618.

And if you're not nearby Ulfa Deli, please spread this to your friends who might be passing Langkap or Teluk Intan at any chance.

Why? Because they offers really delicious cakes!

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now...

(owh, lagu ini stuck dalam kepala...oasis ke sape ntah nyanyi)
I'm in KL attending some course which I've postponed from the day I delivered Ilhan. It's a long course, 2 weeks, with 1 week break in between.


My colleague said I'm hati kering, because I leave my children for some course that I could've just reject or postpone again.


Thing is, I could not reject or postpone.I've been dreaming to get a cert from this course. It's nothing big, but it is in my to-do list this year. And I know myself, if I don't go now, I'll not go forever.


You've got to do what you've got to do.

I am! (image from Imagining Ourselves)

Others have had bumpers in their journey too, and mine is to make sure my children are in good place. My mum's that is. Eventhough that means, I had to drive with Masyitah and Ammar in heavy rain from Penang to Langkap, before going to KL.


Others succeed, so why shouldn't I.


Maybe my colleague wanted me to be like him, quoting him "alah u ni, tak payah susah2, cukup kan je training hours. Lagipun sijil apa yg u nak sangat ni, anak2 dok tinggai di rumah.."


Boleh blah.


As I said before, you've got to do what you've got to do.


I am looking for strength in myself, memang kalau ikutkan aku, malas dah nak belajaq macam2. But again, you're never too old to acquire any knowledge plus aku bukan tua pun (chewah..)


So Ilhan, Masyitah and Ammar, I'll be missing all of you a lot. See ya end of this week.
And En Shahrun, thanks for being understanding.


Oh ye, boleh la jumpa kawan2 kat KL.. (wah.. diverse2).

If babies could choose

Mine will choose not to have me as their mother.

Or maybe if they could express their feelings in coordinated words, they'd say :

" Well, we need love, instead you whine, nag and yell, and you spend minimum time with us. Spanking us for mistakes that all babies do. Even toddlers do. Don't you know what we are? Babies, for God sake. Why can't we have a sweet mummy like others? Why can't you be good as other mummy?"

Image from Mike Scott's Blog

Maybe.

God please, I'm turning into a monster.

Smoking is bad

It is, no matter what your reasons are. It is as bad for woman as it is for man. Takdelah macam kalau pompuan isap rokok lagi hina dari man, actually both are equally bad.

And I disagree when some men looked down on smoking women, when in fact they smoke too.

I do understand that some of the smokers, made mistakes. They try it, enjoy it, and after 10 years, it's like there's no turning back.Macam Shahrun, I believe he do want to stop smoking, tapi tak boleh..

So, itu pasal lah aku belikan yg ini .. :

Pic credit to PeejBurhan

SmokersHaven that is. Walaupun the item is still pending delivery, I am excited ! Hopefully Shahrun pun.

Owh for reference, I know this from here and here, and I am buying SmokersHaven from Edan (Nonoy's Fiance), go find his contact details here.

I'll update the effectiveness later.

Doakan ye?

Shoes craving

Had never had cravings for shoes, but maybe sebab my scholl dah koyak (its a 5 year old shoes, my only shoes).


Am thinking of choices :


1. Lydia Winter from Crocs - currently top list; maybe sebab purple kot, lawa. Plus aku jarang ada high heels due to takut tak comfy and aku akan bukak kasut bila turun tangga, so agak malu. But this one, sure comfy one, kan?

2. Funky Style - Walnut Leather from Clarks. This, is surely my taste. Tengok pun tau. Tapi 2nd choice sebab hopefully I can change to heels

3. Crave Delight - also from Clarks. Very nice, but i don't like the penghadang kat tengah2 tu, nanti susah pakai kasut.

4. Coven Leather Shoes from Scholl - I've always love Scholl. Tapi Shahrun kata, belilah cap lain pulak.. Tapi yg ni mmg cantik kan?

5. b.o.c. by Born Women's Kana Leather Sport Flat - dunno if this is available in Malaysia, but if i cud find something similar, best nih..

6. Privo Berry Sport Slip-On - but i don't think this is an appropriate office shoes.

Isk.. lagi byk choice lagi ke arah kasut flat, comfy yang ala2 budak2 U. Bila nak grow up? Actually memang nak grow up.

Tengoklah, nanti ajak Shahrun shopping. Dah dekat setengah tahun kot tak shopping syok2 nih..

Owh, pics credit to : Clarks, Scholl, Crocs and DSW Shoe Warehouse.

Jamie's Broccoli Salad

In my attempts to eat more green and at the same time shedding away those tummy extra bulge, I tried this recipe last night, courtesy of Jamie Oliver.

Pic also courtesy of Jamie Oliver, remember my HTC rosak kan..

You can find the original recipe here. But I do it differently, putting whatever I have in my kitchen (plus aku pemalas nak beli bagai2 benda), and of course substituting bacon with tempeh. Remember this ?

So, here goes my altered recipe of Broccoli Salad :

Ingredients :

Broccoli, chopped according to Jamie's tips.

Red Chillies, seeded and finely chooped (i guess lagi sedap kalau bubuh capsicum)

Tempeh - marinated with turmeric powder and salt and fried with oil until a bit crisp.

Honey

Lemon

How to :

1. 
   
   Easy peasy, blanch the broccoli in boiled water and as advised by Jamie, really quick; to ensure the broccoli is still crunchy.
   
   
   
2. 
   
   For the dressing, mix honey with lemon juice, and of course salt to taste.
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Lastly, put everything together and dress it all well in your salad bowl.
   

Sedap.. tak caya trylah!

Foodies best destination

If you're a Malaysian you'd know that Malaysian food heaven is Penang. In fact the New York Times did their survey on "Top 44 places to go in 2009" and under category of food, Penang is the 2nd best destination behind Marrakesh (a.k.a Al-Hambra, somewhere in Morocco).

Blame Penang for my increased body weight and unattractive figure lately. Heh :)

Shahrun, he love curry (not the mamak style, the malay style), so we always seach for the best Malay curry house in town, these are the ones that we have visited :

1. Pen Mutiara

• Inside LKIM Batu Maung, around 15-20km from Penang Bridge exit.
• Serve very nive fish head curry, thick gravy and various choices of fish.
• The restaurant environment is super nice - superb view, superb landscape, bangku cantik, ada piano, etc etc.
• The price - hmm.. boleh tahan mahal (expensive), match the view lah!

2. Restoran Minah

• Located near Maybank Gelugor. Around 3-5km from USM main entrance.
• The fish head curry taste different, sebab dia bubuh bunga kantan, but very nice.
• The restaurant is and old shop, nothing fancy.
• The price - not as pricey as Pen Mutiara, but in the expensive range.

3. Kedai kat Jelutong.

• I do not know the stall's name, but it is located at the side of Jelutong Expressway, accross the Nusmetro Building (Bank Rakyat)
• They serve mainly Sembilang fish curry. Very nice, because the fishes are fresh (kan kedai tepi laut..). 
• The view is nice, sea side eh.. 
• The price - cheap, and berbaloi-baloi..

4. Kedai makan pagi-pagi (owh yea, Penangites; we eat curry for breakfast, lunch, dinner and sometimes supper, super saiko kan?)

•  This is a must go, located in Bayan Baru, Jalan Tengah. (if u are working with T* - the stall is just 1KM away from our exchange). If you're from airport, head straight to Bayan Baru, and turn left upon reaching the first traffic light (simpang empat). The stall is just at the corner.
• This stall only serve curry from around 9:30am to 11:30am. Fresh fish served, with variety of fish choice. The curry is very home style, and the cook; they  are super friendly and nice.
• View - hehe, jalan sesak.
• The price - also cheap and berbaloi-baloi hebat.

5. Paksu Curry House.

• This one is Shahrun's favourite. Located very near to our house. If you're from airport, head to Sungai Ara, just after SK Sungai Ara, turn left when u see Taman Pagar Buluh. The restaurant is actually a house turned into restaurant.
• This restaurant opens at around 5:30 pm to 11pm. Serve home cook fish curry and all other dishes (sambal prawn, chicken rendang) taste home cook.. yummy!
• View - normal, housing area, ada kids, etc. But I notice that this restaurant is clean.
• The price - super berbaloi. Murah..

Ha, sorry my HTC rosak. So no pic, walaupun aku pernah snap all these kedai's food.

So, now you know where to enjoy good malay style fish curry!

Boleh tak ambik cuti?

I mean away from kids and husband?

Tak, i don't hate them. I just need a break.

Pic from : Superstock

I literally drag my leg and my daughters leg every morning to the bathroom. Dah la lambat bangun, heret kaki lagik.

And no, work doesn't count as a break. My office ada banyak anak2 dan husband2 yang sama je dengan kat rumah, whining & mengadu.

So, dosa kah taking a leave from all that? I know every mother face the same issue with me, letih, jadual full and all. Aku tau semua mothers lepak je buat semua benda. But consider me weak, i just can't take it anymore, sudahnya aku marah anak aku je. Tak de motif pun.

I'm a person that can't have a schedule/routine. Aku mesti berusaha nak skip. But bila dah ada routine tetiap pagi aku jadi pening sket. Memanglah boleh je adjust hidup.

Tapi aku pun macam electronic devices, sekarang tengah hang mode. Tolong lah reset So I could be fresh again, bila aku fresh, aku happy and excited. Anak2 pun suka, husband pun, boss pun.

Again, dosakah? Seriyes, aku letih lah.

Waking up

I watched We Were The Mulvaneys on Hallmarks (Astro channel 702) yesterday.

And conclude undeniably that, "Fall seven times and stand up eight" and "Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom" is indeed very true.

Pic from Post-Gazette.com

Yasmin's cognitive

Ilhan Yasmin, my eldest daughter shows signs of growing up recently. She'll be 5 y.o this december and it is time for her to show emotions, understand gestures, understand simple ada-udang-disebalik-mee type of talks, ability to rationalize simple acts and ability to detect pembohongan sunat.

It's fun to take one step together up in her ladder of life development. Though shamely I must admit that I'm not a good mother. I spank, yell and if i list it here, you people might equalize me with my depressed neighbor.

For me, she did quite good. Although she has a lot of touch-up to do to groom herself but she has lots of time for that. I'm easy to be pleased, kan?

When she's 1 y.o

How do I know she has move one step up? Well she did these :

1. It's 7:30 am, school day, and she supposed to take her bath, instead she's still laying on the sofa. After a few times of soft spoken pujukan, I raise my voice (I was in the other room, ironing). Still not moving, she answered -

"Kakak robot, bukan orang. Robot tak payah mandi" immitating robotic voice.

When normally, she'll just cry and let me drag her to the bathroom, this time she shows that she knows some reasoning, walaupun a bad idea. At least I'm not changing my mood to marah sangat.

2. After watching the no smoking campaign advert (alah, yg ada org kena amputate kakilah, cancer mulutlah, sakit paru-paru tu..), she looked at Shahrun in the eyes and said :

" Ayah janganlah hisap rokok, kakak taknak ayah mati.."

See? Tak ke rasa nak tersentap disitu? She shows her good effort of composing the right phrase untuk menyentap hati orang.

The ayah does tersentap beberapa saat, and we looked at each others for at least 30 sec. Sebab rasa pilu.

But after that night, best je ayah hisap rokok balik. Tak insaf langsung.

It feels like baru last year Ilhan was born, tetiba tahun ni pandai buat ayat sentap.

This year's smile.

And I just hope she'll grow up to be a good human, obedient muslim and all good things. Despite having such a yelling mother.

Main api

I first sang this song 23 years ago, remember this song? 
It shocked me that I didn't shed any tears singing this today (I would normally).

Maybe penat sudah, or maybe 1Malaysia, hahah.

Let's see if this touches your heart,
Sing along :

Anak kecil main api
Terbakar hatinya yang sepi
Airmata darah bercampur keringat
Bumi dipijak milik orang


Nenek moyang kaya raya
Tergadai seluruh harta benda
Akibat sengketa sesama kita
Cinta lenyap di arus zaman

Indahnya bumi kita ini
Warisan berkurun lamanya
Hasil mengalir ke tangan yang lain
Pribumi merintis sendiri

Masa depan sungguh kelam
Kan lenyap peristiwa semalam
Tertutup hati terkunci mati
Maruah peribadi dah hilang

Kini kita cuma tinggal kuasa
Yang akan menentukan bangsa
Bersatulah hati bersama berbakti
Pulih kembali harga diri

Kita sudah tiada masa
Majulah dengan maha perkasa
Janganlah terlalai teruskan usaha
Melayu kan gagah di Nusantara

Lyrics from Multiply

Jasminum Sambac A.K.A Melor

Well, we were there during Hari Raya. Melor is my husband's hometown, around 15KM from Kota Bharu. But it's not the town that excites me to write something about Melor.

Melor (Jasmine/Melati) is a white flower, commonly found here in Malaysia. I do not like the smell, and it's irritating when dear husband bought a Jasmine scented car perfume for us.

He doesn't like it either.

But his excuse is, it reminds him of his grandmother, or fondly known as Mok Muji (and her birth cert/IC spells her name as Mek Muji). She loves the smell of jasmine, it sorts of rhymed her life, loving Melor and staying in Melor.
Our Dear Mok Muji is about 2-3 years to reach 100 years of age. She can't walk, since 9 years ago after she fell in bathroom. A very nice lady, fair complexion, petite and skinny, with heavy Kelantanese accent. But what amaze me is her ability to remember things, almost everything.

I told her that we stayed in an apartment, 6th floor like 5 years ago, and then when we moved to 11th floor 4 years ago, my MIL came to Penang to help. So indirectly she needs to inform her mother that she'll not be around (my MIL takes care of her).

So each time I went to her house (which is a 5 meter neighbour of my in law's) she'll ask whether we still live in Sungai Ara, and specifically mentioning 11th floor.

Tell her anything, and she'll remember it; even my siblings, and their whereabouts, how much does it cost for an airplane ticket 50 years ago compared to now, detail of our auntie's old house in Balik Pulau (color, how many rooms, type of trees); I bet my MIL doesn't remember that.

Her secret? Hah, I don't know.

Only that she has never skipped her Solat, even with her condition (tak boleh jalan and all), always do puasa sunat every Monday and Thursday (not to mention she started her puasa 6 on the 2nd day of raya and on the 8th day, baru sambung raya balik), Solat malam, baca quran, berzikir, and tak mengumpat.

I am 29 years old, and puasa tahun lepas pun belum habis ganti, berfidyah bagai.

So, kalau nak hati terang, good memories, tak nyanyok, u guys know what to do rite?

Semoga kita berjumpa lagi dihari mulia ini

Salam aidilfitri. Same old wishes, Maaf Zahir & Batin, for any of my wrong doings, intentionally or not.

We're in Kelantan, still celebrating hari raya, i.e consuming anything we consider delicious, sigh, double sigh.

Inilah moodnya kalau raya kat Kelantan. Cuba kalau raya kat kampung aku.. hahah

Aleatoria

A lot has been playing in my mind, randomness mostly.

Originally drawn by yours truly

1. Life has been stagnant and unlively. These days, people search for challenge, and avoid dullness in life. Avoiding dullness has also been a challenge to some. And at some point, some people find bored days as comfortable, and going away from comfortness is so unattractive. Ironic; finding challenge yet attracted to comfortness.
   
   
2. And again the copying issue. No elaboration. Just that, I refuse to force my daughter to fast on the first few weeks of Ramadhan, just to make sure me and her do not just follow the crowd or for showing off. Funny, that I didn't notice fasting is requested by God. So she did yesterday, congrats!
   
   
3. When one marry a man, she married the whole family. So, when one hate his husband, she'll hate the whole family? Sounds silly and emotional, right? But she must have good reasons for that. Her man is raised by his family, he has their traits physically, mentally and emotionally. Hating him, means hating his traits, means hating his family. Worry not, this is not me, and might not be a she.
   
   
4. Ip Man is such a movie. Ah, the movies. Why am I so bothered over movies and TV? Maybe this is some planned move by some organization to zombie us : la televisión los atonta.
   
   
5. I've start to believe that food is created to make us relax, lazying and think of nothing. Especially delicious ones, where we could easily find them in Penang. Please, the government should consider banning stalls that will trigger our yummy olfactory nerves?
   
   
6. A scientist should seriously planning on building a tool to measure a person's capability. That way, we do not have to wonder if this is the best for us. If I am rated as low, I'd be happy when I touch my ceiling. A tiger can't fly, so don't dream of flying.

I think I'm just tired.

Hajjah Wan Chik

Pic from Zimbio

She said in her radio interview this morning (hot fm) :

Dia suami saya dunia dan akhirat

He's my husband for life and afterlife - referring to M.Rajoli.

Wonder how many of us could honestly say that nowadays.

Loop

I'm scared that I'm not scared anymore these days.

Image from : iStock Photo

The people's foe

John Dillinger that is. Watched that people?

Come on, there's Depp and Bale.

Image from Fandango

especially Depp, who has always charm us.
And it's so 30s. Kudos to the producer.

Lagha lagik, haisshh. But seriously, what is it with pretty girls and a criminal? Mmg bagai aur dgn tebing eh? The crime itself attracts and  pretty girls just couldn't resist.

Pernah korang nampak not-so pretty girls dengan mamat criminal?
Tak ada kan?
Apsal eh?

Nasib baik your partner is a criminal too.
He steals your heart and rob your love.

That explains, kan?

it's holiday bebeh!

I went bloghopping just now, and for most of us, today doesn't mean any more than a holiday. Some blame the politic and politician, some blame the current economic atmosphere, others just follow trend, it's not cool to be patriotic, I guess.

Especially when we hate the current government, for whatever reason.

If you're a malay, most of you hate the government for not being islamic enough, or not giving enough priviledge to you.
If you're a chinese, you think govt is not fair, everything is subsidised to the Bumiputra.
If you're an indian, well you think you're being neglected.

Mostly, if you are a Malaysian, you think we need to change the government, it's corrupted and we need some fresh leader to bring out fresh leadership style.

And don't be surprise if you don't fit in any of these. It might be because you're just one of those who follow others. You agree with the majority.

There are some who loves the current government, though. Those who benefits from them, or maybe those whose parents are so involved with the current government, they felt in love right from their baby years.

Truth is, no one's wrong. It's your point of view. Your choice, that you've made from informations you gain.

What's wrong is, when we think today is just another holiday. And when we think Merdeka is just a word to be shouted aloud today. That is just wrong.

The hell with your politics view, independence is something everyone should be grateful of.

Not merdeka enough you said? It's not free to say anything we like in this country, and we are so not free to do anything we wish to do, eh? Tell me one place where you can do all that, freely.

I know that this is lame, and by now you must have thought that I am a pro government. If it is, it has nothing to do about me feeling thankful to Allah for giving me a peaceful live in this country.

Peace to me, is no gun shot sound everyday. The ability to receive humble smile from a stranger, and the freedom to eat out in any restaurant i want.

That might sound cheap. But who knows exactly what's the price of peace?

I might be shallow, someone who have not even went out from Malaysia, and read only interesting articles/books. But I'm a human and it's my nature to love peace. Don't we?

And yeah, it's holiday indeed. Everyone is lazying around, peacefully. Right?

Happy Merdeka Day !

No wonderlah my friend pun tak suka you!

Cartoon from Cathy Thorne 2009

Honestly friends (i know readers here are only trusted friends, who say things honestly to me, without aku rasa sakit hati), am i always flirting with man?


I'm married, and I work with man. There's no woman in the compound that I work, except for a clerk and a janitor. Everyday, I am surrounded by man.


As a woman, I'm always in need of friends. So, I make friends with man, they're all that I got here, and what's wrong with that? They're easy to talk with, straight forward, no string attach (i.e takdelah lunch kena pegi dgn kawan tu je, kalau tak ajak gi lunch maka merajuk, no such thing), and they're simple, nobody cares if I do not put on any lipstick for the whole of Jun and July.


I kinda like that.


Just, when one or two of them thought that my kindness means I'm interested in them, I felt wrong. Something must be wrong.

See, I'm not perasan when I said somebody is interested, i received a wrapped box yesterday, with singing hari raya card, from anonymous. Nasib baik one of the officemate told me who put it there.

So I flashback. No wonder he always seemed tersipu2 when he met me, and akan merajuk bila aku tak sembang dengan dia. I'm not a nice girl, so pedulik hapa aku orang merajuk, takde kaitan. Not my friend, not my family.

But when I received that box, I called Shahrun, told him, he laugh and said amik jelah.

Cool, he knows me.


I told my officemate tadi, I am not interested in anyone, and insya Allah setakat ni (god forbid), I am not interested in office flirting or any flirting. I may seem not having a romantic relationship with Shahrun, but we have no intention in listening to any judgement about our relationship (kecuali lah the trusted ones).

But I still need to know if I am :

1. Always talking in a gedik way ? As if I'm flirting?
2. Too mesra, i make people around me uncomfortable and leads to perasan?

3. Doing things that boleh menyebabkan fitnah?

Am I? And is this harassment?

Purple

That is supposed to be our theme color for Hari Raya this year. Until,

Ilhan insist on white baju kurung cotton with tiny black flowers. That baju is so nice, I can't say no, the price = RM49.90, after less, I get RM45. I said ok, considering the design and the material (english cotton).

I've always go for price first in choosing the kids apparel. But when Ilhan put on this baju, she look so much like Orked from Sepet, except for ther short hair. So there goes RM40.

image from : http://www.wikipedia.com/

Since Kakngah is not around we pick the same brand for her. Hers is beige with red and purple small roses. Cute, plus hers is smaller size, so RM40.

So, anyone who are still searching for the kids baju raya, try search Sara Kids.

If Ilhan insisted on sequin-netted kebaya with bright colors, I don't care if she rolled herself on the floor, I won't buy that for her.

Only baju melayu for Ammar, and we're good. For the kids.

For us,

Shahrun said he won't get a new baju melayu, he'll just wanted a shirt with nasyid team's colar.
And I haven't decide mine. I've been eyeing a white chiffon with red+green abstract pattern, tapi mak aih harga.. RM200++.

Patutkah? I'd say tak patut. This week, we'll hunt for baju raya lagi.

But mine will definitely be purple, I think I look good in purple.
So this year, mcm Farra, we'll be colorful!

i miss u

..budak tembam. U have been there almost 3 weeks, when are u coming home?

She said :

Kat sini ada tahi ayam, ayam berak kat kasut kakngah.
Berak kat tangga, berak kat tanah, semua berak..

And next call she begged us to come and take her home by creating a ghost :

semalam kan, kakngah nampak hantu, kat katil nenek.
hmm.. bila kakngah nak boleh balik?

with her lack of L pronunciation.

Well kakngah, latest new : ayah said we'll only meet you during hari raya, as he's busy doing whatever he should be doing, outside Penang. So be patient.

And I think you kinda enjoy it there, it's me who miss you more than u miss us. See u this hari raya eh? Sedihlah lama tak jumpa kakngah..kakak & ammar pun sedih.

kakngah during her bus ride to KBharu